Answered Prayer

What is an answered prayer? Getting what I want? Controlling the situation so that I won’t feel discomfort? Avoiding pain and not knowing struggle?

Or does God answer prayer by saying “no” to our direct request, instead valuing our heart towards him and giving us the chance to turn to Him even in the midst of the pain and fear and grief and darkness and uncertainty?

Who am I becoming? Who am I letting this shape me into? Is God sanctifying me, purifying me through fire as I say with my lips that I love him but in my heart hold onto fear and doubt?

My prayer the last 8 years of hip dysplasia has been prayers for healing. This time my prayer has simply been Jesus be near. I repeat that out loud and in my mind, over and over. Be near. Be near. Be near.

And He has.

This hospital room has become an unintended sanctuary. It’s a place where I cry and pray and sing and speak words of truth out loud. Where I ask for help and allow myself to be served, physically and spiritually.

The reality of the situation has not changed. Rylynn has had trouble with nausea and pain control. It has been a much tougher recovery than we anticipated. Just sitting up in bed wears her out. I’ve watched her sleep while checking her oxygen levels, praying that her chest would rise and fall with the beautiful cadence of life. She hurts. She is scared. I’m scared. I’m weary. Bedside in a children’s hospital is not a place I ever wanted to be. 

But who have I become? Who has she become? How has this fire blazed to purify us and forge us into stronger warriors? That’s how I feel. Like I walked onto a battle field with the full armor of God and after fighting through this battle field my whole person has become stronger.  

So again, what is an answered prayer? 

John said it perfectly the other day. We as Rylynn’s parents have done all we can to make this as easy as possible on her. We have showered her with gifts that will help occupy her time in the cast, we have let her eat all her favorite foods, she gets to pick the movies we watch and the restaurants we go to. Yes, we are asking her to do this incredibly difficult surgery and recovery because we know in the long run it will help her in her life to have a hip in it’s socket. So because we love her we try to give her little graces to show her we are here for her. And that is exactly what our heavenly Father has done for us. He has asked us to go through this incredibly difficult season with our daughter. 

But, he has given us so many graces that have been of so much comfort. Beautiful weather to enjoy the time sitting outside while we waited the long hours that Rylynn was in surgery. My dad who has been here the whole time, grabbing food, washing clothes, hanging out so I’m never lonely. My aunt bringing us food and filling our fridge, good friends coming by to say hi and bring comfort with their presence and conversation, an army of friends waiting for test updates and praying constantly, my mom who stayed at home to take care of sweet River boy, my sisters and mom for constant cheerleading and encouragement, when Ry was having a pain spike and the old hymn “I Need Thee Every Hour” came on a random playlist I had out on, the song “Multiplied” coming on that same playlist just as the sun broke through the clouds and shone into our 3rd floor room just as Ry was waking up and smiling saying she felt much better. And more sweet mercies than I can remember right now. The Lord is near and He may not instantly repair a broken heart, but He absolutely draws near to the brokenhearted. He may not make the path smooth, but he does give us the ability to walk it. 

I don’t believe everything happens for a reason. But I have found it to be true in my life that God wastes nothing. And I’m not going to let this be wasted.